Crow City, C.A.W - Onlookers were "astounded" when local death-defying vigilante, identified only as "Skateboard Andy", rode beak-first toward a world-ending event with the intent of holding off whatever the hell that is on the left side of the city.

Authorities have been noticeably unsuccessful in stopping the whatsit and repairing infrastructure damaged by it, but Andy apparently said that he "has just the thing for that caw damn monstrosity" before brandishing a sword and riding off down the street on his iconic skateboard.

2 picnickers at the scene (who were asked to be left anonymous) were more annoyed than shaken, despite being only several feet from the collapsing earth caused by the anomaly. "We really can't go ONE picnic without some [expletive] like this happening," said the male picnicker to our on-site reporter. He added, addressing his picnic date, "No amount of [expletive] is worth this much trouble. We're just gonna go to McCawnalds next time for lunch. Picnics suck anyway."

The possibly world-ending event is still on-going at this time, but Skateboard Andy is reportedly doing "remarkably well" against the rampaging whatever-the-crap. Stay tuned for more updates.